Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
