i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
