Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
