it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
