I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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