dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
