I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
