She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
