She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im part way to drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
