We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
