also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
