Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
