when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
