I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
