i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
