I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
