idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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