So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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