He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
