I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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