it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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