Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
