alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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