happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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