i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
