I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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