My room smells like vodka and shame
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
