Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
