Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
