And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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