i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
