I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
