What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
