i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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