I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
