so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
