i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
