Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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