I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
