just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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