Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
