i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
