you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't turn off my feet"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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