remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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