I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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