dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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