I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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