I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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