We won't sleep together?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
