She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
