People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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