I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
