I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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