I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
