I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
