The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
